I think you need to know a little more about me..

by catfeet Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:01 pm

K
So i mainly just need somewhere to exhale my life i guess..
And no, I'm not trying to be pitiful its just literally how i feel atm.
When I was 9 I was diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder of sick/vomit. I had SUCH a bad fear of sick, you don't even know. Just before November 2009 in October - I had a week where i puked my guts up, initially. {sorry for the imagery oh god} I got from about 4.5 stone to just about 3 stone. Not good at all. And no i'm not even joking. I have it written down on medical paper. Whenever someone said they felt sick {even if it was just like a cold but they said the word sick} i would freak the frack out.
As in like, "ohmygosh you said sick, that means i'm gonna get sick and i'm gonna puke and it'll be horrible and disgusting".
I had sessions with a psychiatrist and life got better - i got to 5 stone.
Then December 2012 came - and so did my Anxiety Disorder.
I now have the BIGGEST FREAKING PHOBIA of Death.
Yes death, that big,inevitable turd of life.
Looming over our heads, waiting to pounce.
Every day before i sleep i think about it. At least once a week now I get Panic Attacks. That usually happens by these steps:
>I think about life and how it ends soon
>I think about my loved ones
>I think of oblivion
And if it gets too much
>My heart races so fast
>I pant
>I sob and scream a lil bit.
Yes you can tell me its just how life works, yes you can tell me that i'll go to heaven and see my loved ones. No it does not help me, because there again is that word. Inevitable.
And now - i have diagnosed traits of Bipolar Disorder and Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Right now,2013 my parents argue e v e r y single night.

I know i've been a right ****h to some of you when i was around 10-12 or even seem and i'm really sorry for that.. And again i'm NOT trying to be pitiful, but please let me tell you, my has nOT, been a ride of joy and happiness.. and sometimes its hard to find places to release how i feel..

My life is pretty good compared to some people {terminal illnesses,homeless,dying}
And i have a really good and fun time with my family a lot of the time.

I'm just a pretty neurotic and insecure person but i can still manage to smile. (-:

by ♥!reland♥ Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:27 pm

aww:(

by Eden Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:26 am

Aww

It gets better Liz, I promise.
I know how it feels.
I don't get attacks or stuff, but I do know how it feels when you hear fighting, think about all those stuff, etc.
If you ever need anything, we're here for you!!

by lilysaurus Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:17 am

ily liz i'm hurrrr and im so sorry you're scared of that big turd at the end of life. :c in a way, does it help people at my school think i vomit? except..they think i do it by choice, to make myself look how i am. ;/ if that makes sense. Razz

by SnowySadie❅ Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:18 am

Aww Liz.....
It gets a lot better
If you need anything we'll always be here for you <3

by catfeet Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:52 am

I hope it gets better because it a pain in the bum..
I was crying about something personal and then i couldn't stop crying so i had a panic attack bcs i was hyperventalating -___-
Like, what even. ._.
Lily those people are turds omg i just eurgh
thank you guys, its so great to know people care<3

by Meghan Sat Oct 05, 2013 2:17 pm

Aw, I can't imagine how what you must have to deal with, but I have anxiety and panic attacks, too (mine is more like a generalized anxiety, though), and I know it's absolutely awful. D:

by catfeet Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:35 am

Aww meghan D:
its nice to know i'm not alone - we can suffer together!
l0l
they really do suck though, don't they:L

by Holly✿ Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:59 am

Aw Liz this is extremely sad. I hope you feel better soon<3

by Genny Thu Oct 10, 2013 2:51 pm

Liz<3
I will always be here for you!
I will be your shoulder to lean on! Ilysm!

by maddie✩ Sat Oct 12, 2013 6:02 am

Awh, Liz. <3
I feel so sorry for you that this is happening :c
Feel better <3

by catfeet Sun Oct 13, 2013 9:36 pm

Thanks guys<3

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